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The number of bashows prior to announcing an engagement varies, as some have many bashows while others have as few as one, which is typical among the children of Hasidic Rebbes.Bashert (or Beshert), (Yiddish: It is often used to refer to one's divinely foreordained spouse or soulmate, who is called one's "basherte" (female) or "basherter" (male).The prospective partners either date each other or in stricter communities they go to a "bashow" or sit in.A typical bashow scene is that the young man with his parents goes to see the young woman in her house to see if the prospective couple are compatible.After the match has been proposed, the prospective partners meet a number of times to gain a sense of whether they are right for one another.The number of dates prior to announcing an engagement may vary by community. In stricter communities, the couple may decide a few days after originally meeting with each other.It can also be used to express the seeming fate or destiny of an auspicious or important event, friendship, or happening.In modern usage, Jewish singles will say that they are looking for their bashert, meaning they are looking for that person who will complement them perfectly, and whom they will complement perfectly.
After a short prayer to God for guidance, describing how a virtuous woman might act toward a traveling stranger at the well, Rebekah appeared on the scene and did everything described in Eliezer's prayer.Both sets of parents talk to each other, and then when the setting is more relaxed, they go into another room, leaving the man and woman in the living room to speak among themselves.Some use this opportunity to actually ask each other pertinent questions, while some just want to see if they like each other, relying more on the information they got from the shadchen or from other people.Also the age when shidduchim start may vary by community.In frum circles, especially among Hassidim, eighteen is the age when shidduchim start and shadchanim take notice.
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The Talmud (Bavli Kiddushin 12a, first version) states that academy head Rav would give corporal punishment to a man who would marry without shidduchin, that is, In Kiddushin 41a states that a man should not marry a woman he has not seen, lest he come to violate Love your neighbour as yourself.